Askers vs. Guessers

Via black_rider: Ask culture vs. Guess culture (ignore the sensationalist headline, just read the article).

I would put forth that I suspect some of it is temperament and cognitive style, too. In particular, I would guess that Askers tend to be extroverts, and Guessers introverts, if for no other reason than an introvert has likely (not invariably) modeled the other person's response before speaking, while extroverts often (not always) either lack that skill entirely or only use it on special occasions.

A nuance that appears to be missing from the article is that if a Guesser is reduced to asking, not only do they think there's a reasonable chance of a "yes," but they need (or at least strongly want) a "yes" answer - they wouldn't be putting themselves through the ordeal of asking if it weren't important. An Asker receiving such a request may not understand this (especially if their internal model of the other person isn't very good; see above), and treat it as if it were a request from another Asker, which does not come with importance markers. Conversely, an Asker may well ask a trivial favor from a Guesser, who may well respond to it as if it were of higher importance than it is - and feel let down, or even betrayed, to find that the Asker thought it a small thing.

In case anyone was wondering, I fall on the Guesser end of the scale but do "desperation Asking" - if the situation is dire enough, I will beg from anyone who will listen. Or, to quote a wise man, "I guess it's time to call Dad."

Askers vs. Guessers

Via black_rider: Ask culture vs. Guess culture (ignore the sensationalist headline, just read the article).

I would put forth that I suspect some of it is temperament and cognitive style, too. In particular, I would guess that Askers tend to be extroverts, and Guessers introverts, if for no other reason than an introvert has likely (not invariably) modeled the other person's response before speaking, while extroverts often (not always) either lack that skill entirely or only use it on special occasions.

A nuance that appears to be missing from the article is that if a Guesser is reduced to asking, not only do they think there's a reasonable chance of a "yes," but they need (or at least strongly want) a "yes" answer - they wouldn't be putting themselves through the ordeal of asking if it weren't important. An Asker receiving such a request may not understand this (especially if their internal model of the other person isn't very good; see above), and treat it as if it were a request from another Asker, which does not come with importance markers. Conversely, an Asker may well ask a trivial favor from a Guesser, who may well respond to it as if it were of higher importance than it is - and feel let down, or even betrayed, to find that the Asker thought it a small thing.

In case anyone was wondering, I fall on the Guesser end of the scale but do "desperation Asking" - if the situation is dire enough, I will beg from anyone who will listen. Or, to quote a wise man, "I guess it's time to call Dad."