It's Not Easy Being Transparent
Apr. 20th, 2004 10:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omorkaI'm really extremely tired of being seen through.
I've been going to CMA events since 1996, doing workshops since 1998, and running a society since 2000 or 2001, and people whose first gatherings were on the Land keep asking me if I'm a newbie.
I've spent three and a half hours at the Swan and been spoken to only by my waiter.
I post interview memes on my LJ and get no response at all - even from people for whom I've responded to the very same meme.
I make suggestions at work and get no response, only to find out that someone who's been at the school half as long makes a half-assed version of the same suggestion and it gets implemented right away (badly).
I explain something during class and three minutes later a student asks me the very question I just carefully answered.
People talk about me when I'm standing 20 feet away and then are surprised when I'm offended because they didn't even know I heard them.
I can be one of only five people in costume in a 50-person LARP and still get less active role-play time than a college kid who wandered in not knowing what game it was.
I can flirt like mad at a Pagan bunnyfuck-in-the-woods and get sexual attention from exactly two people, one of whom is married to me and the other of whom probably would have flirted with me if I hadn't been showing my tits because he flirts with (literally) everyone.
I am beginning to suspect I could strip in the street while playing conga drums and no one would even look at me.
Really, I'm not that much of an exhibitionist, but am I truly that invisible?
I've been going to CMA events since 1996, doing workshops since 1998, and running a society since 2000 or 2001, and people whose first gatherings were on the Land keep asking me if I'm a newbie.
I've spent three and a half hours at the Swan and been spoken to only by my waiter.
I post interview memes on my LJ and get no response at all - even from people for whom I've responded to the very same meme.
I make suggestions at work and get no response, only to find out that someone who's been at the school half as long makes a half-assed version of the same suggestion and it gets implemented right away (badly).
I explain something during class and three minutes later a student asks me the very question I just carefully answered.
People talk about me when I'm standing 20 feet away and then are surprised when I'm offended because they didn't even know I heard them.
I can be one of only five people in costume in a 50-person LARP and still get less active role-play time than a college kid who wandered in not knowing what game it was.
I can flirt like mad at a Pagan bunnyfuck-in-the-woods and get sexual attention from exactly two people, one of whom is married to me and the other of whom probably would have flirted with me if I hadn't been showing my tits because he flirts with (literally) everyone.
I am beginning to suspect I could strip in the street while playing conga drums and no one would even look at me.
Really, I'm not that much of an exhibitionist, but am I truly that invisible?
